It’s time we have a talk about potty manners, Portland.

We need to have a little chat, Portland.

Maybe you have lost your mind a little, or perhaps it is time for a simple refresher on potty manners, but it would appear that you have forgotten what should be totally obvious to anyone who has ever used a public restroom.

FIRST you knock, and THEN you try to enter.

And when you try to enter, you simply turn the door knob, as pressing the full force of your weight against the door is a little aggressive and entirely unnecessary. You do realize that when you try to force yourself into a public rest room without knocking, you might inadvertently see a stranger peeing or pooping? That’s really gross, Portland. You aren’t some kind of pervert, are you.

I admit that I had to think this through before saying it, as I wanted to be sure that I am not being dramatic. In the past month, however, every single time I have been at a restroom in a cafe or restaurant, polite knocks from patient strangers have been entirely replaced by attacks on the door as a means of finding out if the facilities are available. We are not savages, people. I am doing my part by locking the door; the least you could do is do your part by knocking on it.

For both of our sakes, let’s do everything possible to ensure you don’t accidentally see me pooping.

Good talk.

[Image Source: Toilet Paper World]

Alex Steed

About Alex Steed

Alex Steed has written about and engaged in politics since he was an insufferable teenager. He has run for the Statehouse and produced a successful web series. He now runs a content firm called Knack Factory with two guys who are a lot more talented than himself.