Portland Digital Inventory: “I Wanted to Give You More Than Just Sympathy” Edition

A collection of the sort of digital ephemera that makes Portland come off as even more endearing than usual. 

Best statement overheard in Portland as observed by one of my favorite bands from my teen years:

Top 9 lines from Greater Portland Missed Connections:

  • Thanks for the pain relievers. LINK
  • Very sane here… and cute with a little belly but nothing to major. LINK
  • You had on a greenish Red Sox hat and a red backpack. You were so hot in your baggy pants. LINK
  • Sex. This is all I think of when I see you. LINK
  • I was beyond drunk, but you I remember. LINK
  • I wanted to give you more than just sympathy. LINK
  • Her name is Crystal and I only know that she gave birth to me in Lewiston. LINK
  • You were so distracting all night that I may have to go and see the doctor. LINK
  • You were in the kid’s section and we ended up in the same aisle a couple of times. LINK

Best Missed Connections “bro-to-bro” advice:

dude, bro to bro, i have seen this post on here no less than 10 times in the last two weeks. please stop creepin’ on whoever this lady is. portland’s a small town. rest assured the person you’ve intended it for and/or half their friends have seen your ad and passed it along to the person you intend it for. if you haven’t gotten a response yet, that might be for a reason – i.e. they’re not interested in corresponding with you. i would feel creeped out if someone kept posting the same ad over and over about seeing me at my place of employment. in any case, i’d chill and leave this person alone.

Best ketch of people sitting at Arabica [by Rita of Sketchbook Wandering]:

Top 8 Instagram photos tagged #PortlandMaine:

Best compliment paid to Portland by a Chris Thile of The Punch Brothers [as documented by Nathan Fitzsimmons]:

“Portland [Maine] has so much good shit stacked together. It’s like bunk beds of good shit.”

Best expression of exactly how so many of us feel this time of year:

The most insufferable Yelp review of J’s Oyster Bar comes to us by way of Shane:

Meh…. Meh….. After reviewing the reviews I am filled with a sense of disgust for all the five and one star posters…. You friggin emotional cattle….. Give this place the rating it deserves which is smack dab in the middle. There are pros and cons…. It’s no five star place and no one star place either.

As the jewess said, if you want a place with a bar and good steamers, this is the place. I am not and never have been a fan of steamers but that was the best thing here… Save perhaps the lobster stew.

Best expression of pride for sharing something in common with Judd Nelson:

Instagram photo credits [in order of appearance]: gemmaborealis, cmprodxn, coreytempleton, lrahfisher and heidikirn

Recommend this article
Alex Steed

About Alex Steed

Alex Steed has written about and engaged in politics since he was an insufferable teenager. He has run for the Statehouse and produced a successful web series. He now runs a content firm called Knack Factory with two guys who are a lot more talented than himself.