SURPRISE! My first real Twitter meltdown was about Full House

I had my first real Twitter meltdown last night. Those who know me well won’t be surprised to learn that it was about Full House, which is rumored to be making a comeback ala Girl Meets World. Said meltdown was fueled by rum, poutine from Nosh, and ice cream. It wasn’t pretty.

A taste.

[WARNING: Language]

  • Did Joey Gladstone never have a long-term girlfriend because regular Full House viewers would obvi resent being forced into imagining him having sex?
  • Also, Joey gave DJ a car for her 16th birthday? On the salary of a struggling comic from San Francisco? Come on now.
  • I wonder what was in DJ Tanner’s dowry chest.
  • Teddy was way more tolerable than that “Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina” Pet Sematary asshole.
  • Oh, you play drums in the Mike Love led Beach Boys? Color me unimpressed, Katsopolis.
  • Your Aladdin voice might hold some water with Deej, Steve, but it don’t mean shit to me.
  • RIP Pam Tanner
  • Kimmy Gibbler is a Dumb, Smelly-Footed Idiot and Other Perspectives that Prove That the Tanners & Company Are Total Fucking Bullies
  • So I guess the Tanner Family lives in that one neighborhood in San Francisco where gay people and/or sex don’t exist.
  • Lori Loughlin.
  • WAIT. Jodie Sweetin has been married THREE TIMES?
  • So basically only Comet’s hair style holds up in 2013.
  • Remember when Uncle Jesse realized he was a family man / total [wimp] when he couldn’t ride his motorcycle on the ledge? That’s me always.
  • I would have been on meth too, Jodie.
  • Very Special Episode of Full House That Is Basically Just a Commercial For Disneyland
Alex Steed

About Alex Steed

Alex Steed has written about and engaged in politics since he was an insufferable teenager. He has run for the Statehouse and produced a successful web series. He now runs a content firm called Knack Factory with two guys who are a lot more talented than himself.