Tuesdays with Facebook


[Warning: Coarse Language]

Meanwhile, on Facebook:

  • Crystal ain’t takin’ none of nobody’s guff today.
  • A not-so-funny list.
  • A funny list that you’ll never admit is funny until your partner catches you laughing at it uncontrollably in bed and forces you to acknowledge that you are a hypocrite and an elitist.
  • Several of your classmates from one of the whitest towns in one of the whitest states have a meme or two to share about all of these black guys with their saggy pants.
  • Some band that you have never heard of before is playing.
  • Some band that you have heard before is playing, and you would love to check them out.
  • Who are you kidding? You never leave the house past 7 anymore. When did you get so old?
  • Speaking of which, everyone had kids, apparently.
  • Why don’t you wish that person you partied and made out with for a couple of weeks before you finally slept together and afterward they started crying when they realized that they actually sort of miss their ex and then things got really weird between you two a happy birthday?
  • Casual racism and/or sexism posited as a joke.
  • Seemingly unironic solicitation for prayer in which “pray” is repeatedly spelled “prey.”
  • Crate and Barrel is having a sale on whatever the fuck it is that Crate and Barrel sells.
  • People You May Know: Cocky Prick from High School Who, To Your Sadistic Relief, Looks Pretty Miserable These Days
  • Former high school drug dealer suggests Obama is a tyrant.
  • Fucking elf on the shelf is back.
  • “Real Gangsters” look like handsomely dressed, white mobsters [who eventually got into pushing heroin, killing women, and ratting each other out], “so pull your damn pants up!!!!!” Like if you agree
  • That guy who has their Instagram account connected to Facebook for some reason just creepily liked a dozen-ish underage selfies.
  • Half-baked theory about Paul Walker’s death.
  • Enough Upworthy links to choke Linda Lovelace.

PHOTO CREDIT: peanutbjelly

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Alex Steed

About Alex Steed

Alex Steed has written about and engaged in politics since he was an insufferable teenager. He has run for the Statehouse and produced a successful web series. He now runs a content firm called Knack Factory with two guys who are a lot more talented than himself.