“Internal data” points to brightening of Maine’s future


I don’t usually focus on polling, because focusing on polling is boring and makes politics more of a horse race than it should be. That said, despite Public Policy Polling showing the candidate to be polling at his lowest numbers yet, an email from the Cutler camp suggests “internal data shows that voters are moving to Eliot.”

Now when I suggested that my internal data suggests that I am going to be Maine’s next governor, a fellow commentator asked what else the voices in my head were telling me. While perhaps this “internal data” announcement does make it look as if the camp has some of its wires crossed, I would love to better understand how, exactly, this data collection methodology works. To me, it sounds creative and quite whimsical indeed.

Beyond its assertion that I will be Maine’s next governor, my internal data suggests that by 2015:

  • the Blaine House will be replaced by a new building constructed in the shape of a Whoopie Pie.
  • mosquitos and ticks will go extinct.
  • Portlanders will realize that Bangor is not Northern Maine, and that the rest of the state is actually a thing.
  • Bangor will get over its “… But we’re just as cool as Portland!” little sibling complex.
  • the Maine brew scene will up its pilsner game.
  • pumpkin beer will be banned.
  • we finally start buying it upon initially seeing it at Marden’s.
  • a handful of decent Southern food spots will finally make their way to the state.
  • blog entries featuring lists that purportedly relate to the experience of Mainers will read as they were written by people who have actually spent time in the state.
  • the Holy Donut will open its next location in my kitchen.
  • Governor LePage will bite the bullet and get the Maine-themed chest-piece he has been talking about getting done for years: maine-tattoo

See that? One could be cynical and suggest that “internal data” is just a cryptic buzz-generation concoction, but in reality it is a lot of fun to play with.

Now you give it a try.

Image Source: The Internet, though I believe this piece to belong to the great Angus Francisco McFarland.

Alex Steed

About Alex Steed

Alex Steed has written about and engaged in politics since he was an insufferable teenager. He has run for the Statehouse and produced a successful web series. He now runs a content firm called Knack Factory with two guys who are a lot more talented than himself.