“I tried to end my life 5 years ago” [Guest Post]


A guest post by Steven Charles Marzza [some salty language ahead]:

I was trying to think of a cool way to say this today, but decided I’ll just say it. In September 2010 I tried to end my life. I was found on the side walk in Rochester, NH and finally came to in a psych ward in Lewiston. My addiction to heroin was so insane that I could no longer live with myself and made the decision to take my own life.

My family saved me and it still took me another five months to take action and do something about my destroyed life. For almost five years I have been bettering myself and becoming a real person instead of a junkie that robs change out of his niece’s piggy bank just to get fucked up for an hour or so.

Today the wife and I booked our third out of country vacation in a little over a year to Cap Cana in the Caribbean. I hold down two jobs, a household, and family. Most importantly, I am not trying to find ways to kill myself, or figure out where my next meal is, or where I am going to sleep for the night.

This is not to brag, but to show people who still struggle from depression or addiction or anything that it is absolutely possible to make it out. If a piece of shit like me could do it, I am confident that anyone can.

Steven originally posted this on Facebook and gave me permission to post it here.

He shared this photo, explaining “The picture on the left is me and my niece. I was using heroin through IV and drinking codeine. The one on the right is me three years sober.”


Marzza added:

I’m originally from Gloucester Massachusetts. Where the police just started [an initiative to grant amnesty to drug addicts.]

I come from an extremely poor family; I lived in a house with no electricity or plumbing for three years. I have suffered from addiction and depression from a young age, and I started doing hard drugs at 14 years old. I have a pretty long criminal record and barely made it through high school.

Portland really saved my life.

I came to Portland when I was 26. When I moved here, the help that was offered by the city made possible the change I needed. I was homeless and unemployed for nearly four years. I am now a supervisor at Gnome Landscape and a artist out of ‘Til Death Tattoo. I have a daughter and I’m happily married.

Thanks so much for sharing your story, Steven.

Top Image Credit: Nicholas Gervin
Alex Steed

About Alex Steed

Alex Steed has written about and engaged in politics since he was an insufferable teenager. He has run for the Statehouse and produced a successful web series. He now runs a content firm called Knack Factory with two guys who are a lot more talented than himself.