I have been holding off on writing about the presidential election because… come on. It’s way too easy.
It gets harder and harder to hold the tongue, though, as more Republicans enter the race and try to out-big-dick each other.
Sen. Lindsey Graham, for example, is what is called an “institutional” Republican, which means he is typically in the least-maniacal camp. (In the GOP, by the way, you can simultaneously be the least-maniacal while also being “concerned with the definitional problem” of rape, by the way. Draw your own conclusions.) You used to have to be over on this side of things to get donor money, because corporations wanted to get laws passed that helped to support their shenanigans. Now that obstruction is really the best approach to discouraging and disenfranchising voters, and that some of the best corporate legislation is happening at more local levels, anything goes. Once vanilla and totally boring members of the GOP have to pretend as though they read and believe Infowars.
So after making a joke about serving as the divorce attorney for some incestuous cousins, Graham assured that, you know what, he is probably running and he could be just as whackadoo as any other fringe candidate. If you even think of joining ISIS, he said, he would call a drone and kill you. He checked in with the crowd first, I should mention. He was like, “If you even think of joining ISIS… Are any of you thinking of joining ISIS?” Perhaps he was checking to see if he was joshing with the right audience. PERHAPS HE WAS HOPING SOMEONE WAS IN FACT THINKING OF IT SO THAT HE COULD DRONE THEM TO DEATH TO PROVE HIS POINT.
Mediaite points out that Graham’s remarks were likely meant to be a jab at Rand Paul, who, while he is his own sort of crazy, seems to get hung up on “constitutionality” quite a bit.
Don’t be a pussy; join the thought police. Vote for Graham in 2016.